Monday, December 26, 2005

Winter's End

Mandible raised the eraser-blades and moved backwards.
“Get up, Norman.”
Norman rose to his feet, wincing at the pain of his erased side. He held the blade in front of him and his eyes narrowed.


“There you go, Norman. I’m not about to kill you without a fight—that would be so pathetic. I want to go out with a bang—if I am going to cease to exist once you are gone, I’d like to have a bit of fun before we go. That’s why I came here last night on the time-machine. I wanted everything to be perfect when we arrived…the eraser-blades hidden in the snow, the spot planned and logged in the coordinates of the time-machine, and the disarmed eraser-guns. It’s gone exactly as I anticipated. Now, who should I let the worm eat first while we’re fighting, Norman? If I let it eat Dr. Pea, it will negate the existence of the time-machine, which will negate your meeting. But I’ve already tried to prevent your meeting once. I think letting it eat your dear Jessie first would be the best—”
Norman suddenly sprang at Mandible, swinging right and left with his blade. Mandible managed to block his swings, but there was something behind Norman’s attack that he hadn’t anticipated. Norman turned, dodging Mandible’s blades, and swiped right into one of Mandible’s arms. The bug-man roared in pain, dropping the eraser-blade in that hand. He glared at Norman, grabbed him, and threw him backwards.
“Well, Norman, that was quite impressive—”
Norman didn’t stay down. He sprang back up and lunged towards Mandible, who brought the three remaining blades up from below, and their blades interlocked in a criss-cross of colors.

“My my, Norman! You’re angry! But unjustly so…if anyone has any reason to be angry, it’s me! Your efforts are useless. You can’t win.”
Norman smirked, “You’re wrong, Mandible.”
“What makes you so sure?” sneered Mandible.
“Because I have someone to fight for,” replied Norman, and he swung his blade up and around his back, landing square against a second of Mandible’s arms before his adversary could counter. Mandible yelled again, swinging around with his two remaining blades. He swung left, and Norman blocked right. The second blade came around, but Norman quickly parried and stuck his foot behind Mandible’s. Mandible looked down at his foot, then at Norman. Norman smiled, then pulled his foot back. Mandible fell to the snow. Norman swept his blade over his head and placed it right at Mandible’s neck.
“Well done, Norman! But you can’t defeat me. The mutation the worms implemented on me has made me nearly impervious to eraser-blades. There is no way you can win—”
“You don’t have to cease existing.”
Mandible stopped speaking. “What did you say?”
“You don’t have to be alone, Mandible. You could come back with us…”
“Never! I can’t stand the bond you two share!” Mandible grabbed Norman’s blade and crawled on top of it, pulling Norman down with his weight. He pried it out of his hands and threw it away as Norman fell to the snow. Norman turned over, spitting out a mouthful of ice, and found himself staring up the vicious creature's blades.
“Then you’re not the last man,” replied Norman, “you’re the last monster.”

It was because of your LOVE that I came into existence, Norman! It was your love that made me such a monster!!
“No,” says Norman, “it was the absence of love that made you a monster. Your evil is your own. It’s not our doing.”
“ENOUGH!” yelled Mandible, “I have had enough! It’s time for the end!” He raised his blades, preparing to slice Norman's head in two, when suddenly:
“Nobody move! I’ve got grapefruit!” screamed Mr. Burton, turning up the page and inadvertently squashing Mandible’s body. Mandible’s head rolled onto the ground as he screamed in shock.
“I’ve always wanted to say that,” said Mr. Burton, juggling the grapefruit he’d b
rought.
“Mr. Burton?” said Norman, rising.
“Hey look, Zoloportico Falagon, it’s my good friend Norman Bufort! Long time no see, buddy!”
Suddenly, Mandible’s third eye shot a glance over towards the worm. It roared and lunged at Jessie.
“Jessie!” screamed Norman.
He quickly grabbed the only thing in sight to throw—one of Mr. Burton’s grapefruits. It flew threw the air and straight down the worm’s throat. It stopped short of clamping down on Jessie, who was now surrounded by its gaping jaws. Suddenly, the space-worm fell backwards and released Jessie and Dr. Pea from its coils. Slowly, the place in the throat where the grapefruit was lodged began to disintegrate.
“Of course!” said Dr. Pea, “In galactic theory, any form of acidic substance (such as grapefruit juice) is fatal to space-worms!”
Mr. Burton and Ezz looked at each other and grinned, then quickly ran to the worm and began squeezing grapefruit juice all over it. As they did, there was a sudden and loud crack as a wave of Time flashed over the landscape. Immediately, the ice vanished, and the beautiful green hills returned to the way they once were.

Norman and Jessie ran to each other and hugged. “I thought I’d lost you,” they both said at the same time. Mandible rolled his eyes from his spot on the ground and yelled, “Please, just stop!”
Norman looked over at what remained of Mandible. His third eye faded into a pale glaze, and his antlers fell off. “Ezz,” said Norman, “would you be so kind as to pick up that head and bring it with us?”
Ezz eagerly ran over and picked up Mandible’s head with fascination.
“Put me down, you purple pygmy! Just leave me here to die!” screamed the head.

No,” said Norman, “there’s still enough of you left to save.”
With that, the two stick-men, the stick-girl, the alien, and the bug-head got into the time-machine and prepared for their trip back. As Dr. Pea programmed their coordinates, Ezz asked, “how come this stick-man’s head is still alive?” Dr. Pea explained, “Well, that’s the interesting thing about stick-men, my alien friend. A stick-man’s body is not essential for survival, you see. All the stick-man needs is inside the head. The body, you see, is easily ‘redrawn,’ if you will.”
“Oh,” said Ezz. He paused, then said, “if I will what?”
“I wonder what it feels like without a body,” said Mr. Burton, whimsically.
Mandible sighed. “Helpless.”
The time-machine’s energy began to build. Norman looked at Jessie resting happily on his shoulder and then said, “Dr. Pea, I have a question. How come Mandible’s plan didn’t succeed? In sending the worm back to 1991 to freeze everything, it seems like that would have prevented Jessie and I from meeting. Why didn’t it?”
As the portal opened, Dr. Pea replied, “Some things, Norman, are meant to be. Some things cannot be undone, even by time. The love that you and Jessie have is one of those things.” And they shot backwards in time to meet their rightful futures.

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